Sixteen Things
by IndifferentIgnorance
Summary: Previously: Sixteen Things Bella Will Not Miss About Being Human, with comentary. Now it's a full blown story! Well, parody.
1. Bella Will Not Miss About Being Human

Sixteen Things Bella Will Not Miss About Being Human **(With Commentary by Rhi ;) )**

Sleeping. Why waste valuable Edward time? But let's not go into details…**She can dream about Edweirdo not being stubborn and over protective.**

Hiccups. What the hell is the point of hiccups? They have plagued mankind since the dawning of the sun. And for what? An embarrassing noise when you're in public and trying to act cool. **Hiccups hurt. Some dude had them for 65 years, oucheez.**

Going to the bathroom. Let's face it, it is an inconvenience. Necessary, but oh so _annoying_. **I have nothing to say on this comment.**

PMS and that whole shebang. See above. But once again, let's not go into details. **Again, no comment.**

Eating. Again, this is a necessary but tedious part of human life that takes up far too much time and is likely to make you ill (and fat) around Christmas and Easter. It can also lead to weight gain, which Bella probably always wished to avoid, for reasons known only to her… and every other girl on the planet that isn't Rosalie. **Or a vampire. Cos that's just the way they roll, lol.**

Okay, do vampires need showers? They smell gorgeous anyway, but they must get covered in mud, dirty water and various other impurities just like us humans. It's never been mentioned in the books, so may or may not be relevant to this list. Either way, it's something to ask Stephenie Meyer if you ever meet her. **They do in ff, but that's ff.**

Moisturising. She and the other Cullen kids must be the only teenagers in the universe not to be bothered by spots. Or sweating, or greasy hair. **Does she need to moisturise anyway. She seems to cry a lot. That should keep her face nice and moist. =)**

Lack of social skills. Bella will always be socially awkward, but at least now guys will come up to her because she looks like a supermodel. Said guys will also be crushed when they find out she is married, but the fact is, Bella will never be ignored when she is out in public. Whether or not Edward growls at the guys is an entirely different matter, though. **It'll be embarrassed Bella, now with no blush!**

Oversleeping. If you can't sleep, you can't oversleep. Simple. **I like oversleeping, I have insomnia.**

Being vampire is a proper excuse for not going to Jacksonville to see Renée and Phil. Before, she just didn't like going because she never got a tan, just sunburn. Now, she sparkles. **OOH SPARKLYYYYY**!

Breathing. A sense of smell is very helpful, but breathing is loud and embarrassing, especially when you are in a room with vampires who have superb hearing.** They breathe too, just very, very, very quietly.**

We all already know this one, but Bella will be eternally grateful (literally) that vampires have balance. **Emmett will just have to trip her up.**

Blushing. We also all know why this is, even though Edward found it kinda cute. So did Emmett.** Emmett find it very, very funny, like me.**

If she ever wants to beat up Emmett, she can. Easily. Before, she had to be content with blushing. **Emmett won't go down without a fight y'know?**

Food shopping. Not as much fun as clothes shopping, but Bella never liked that either….. **It's tedious and boring. SNORE!**

Cooking. She'd rather be with Edward. Again.** She'll just have to watch Charlie's house burn then.**


	2. Emmett Shouldn't Do

**I got so many good reviews for this; I decided to make it into a story called Sixteen Things. PM or review if you have any ideas! Thanks everyone who reviewed/favourited/alerted, etc This is for y'all. Also thanks to my crazy family for ideas and Rhi for the Emmett idea.**

**Twilight isn't mine, blah blah blah.**

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Sixteen Things Emmett Shouldn't Do But Would If Rosalie Let Him **(With Commentary by Rhi in bold.)**

Show humans his biceps. For the bent guys and straight girls, at least, this should make them drool and/or faint. It would not be healthy.** Four words. Mike. Newton. New. Obsession.**

Let humans see while he wrestles with a mountain lion and lives. They might think he's God or something… That wouldn't be healthy for them either, actually. **Oh God. Emmett will have a cult. Children of the Earth much?**

Describe/actually show humans the damage he and Rose have inflicted on various buildings while making love. The thought alone is enough to scar anyone – and Edward gets much more than just the thought of it. Scratch that, think of Jasper! **MY VIRGIN EARS/EYES!!!!!!!!! Therapy for Dr Feelgood. . . **I assume Rhi means Jasper or Carlsile.

In school, do what Dash did in _The Incredibles_ and mess the classroom up when the teacher has their back to him or is out of the room. Think paper everywhere, graffiti-d black/whiteboard (words and pictures of your own choice), chairs with broken legs, books suddenly on the other side of the premises, the animals in the Biology lab mysteriously set free. Use your imagination! Emmett would… **Dun dun dun. "Who dunnit?" "Mike."**

Discover a human's personal life. Humans won't be able to beat Em at arm wrestling and will be scarred for life, as long as he can hint while being yelled at by Carlisle. Carlisle may also have to treat the human in question for a range of bodily injures. **I really have nothing to say about this.**

Put an advert in the local newspaper for blood donors. **Hmm, for what may I ask? Snack time? **Nah, he's doing research for Carlisle.

Decorate a Christmas tree. Only Edward knows what's going on in Emmett's head, but he's almost entirely not sane. I fear that the tree could be covered in materials such as whipped cream, mustard, glitter, soap, glue, cream cheese, mud, old clothes and a buck's head, complete with antlers. **The tree sure sounds pretty.**

Start a food fight. If it is with a human and the food is hard, bodily injury to the human is likely. If it is with a vampire, war could break out. **Playing with other people's food? Someone needs to teach him a thing called **_**manners. **_It'll only get really bad if he starts playing with _his_ food.

Start a fight with a human. The human will almost defiantly die. Carlisle won't be pleased, but Emmett can always argue that the human _wanted_ to fight – obviously thinking he could win. Think again, sucker. **Jacob? Eric? Tyler? **_**Mike?**_** Hehehe, look at number one to get Mike. What would Emmett say to Carlisle? *Cough*rape*cough* **OH MY GOD RHI ARE YOU SUGGESTING MIKE TRIED TO RAPE EMMETT? OR THE OTHER WAY ROUND? –faints-

Err… I'm running out of ideas here! I know! Dress up! NEVER LET EMMETT DRESS UP AS A DISNEY CHARACTER, ESPECIALLY NOT HANNAH MONTANA!!!! Especially for Renesmee if she is a Miley Cyrus fan. Superman would also be very funny but very disturbing.** No way. Not Supes. I think Bizarro #1 is more fitting for Em. **Bizarro #1? What am I missing?

Humans must never be allowed to see Emmett streaking. Okay, NO ONE EXCEPT ROSALIE must be allowed to see him naked. He may be pretty fit, but sometimes too much is too much. Renesmee will never be allowed near him again, weather she witnessed the incident or not. **MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Smash Edward and Bella's cottage. "I am simply trying to show them what they could do if they really _tried_." **Poor Esme. Would they be in the cottage? I wouldn't mind so much if it was Jacob in the cottage, I would be happy, lol. But sad because of no more pretty cottage.**

Horse riding. If he doesn't eat the horse, he will squish it. And look like a twerp in a riding hat, not that he needs one. Please, someone, get a picture. Actually, any of the Cullen boys in jodhpurs would be enough to make a lady swoon. Well a lady from the eighteenth century. We twenty-first century girls know they're hot no matter what they may or may not be wearing. Please, people, don't now call me a hypocrite because of number eleven. **He will squish the horse, and then eat it. Ooh, Jazzman is jodhpurs, yum.**

Go shopping. Emmett may confuse plates and cups with food and ask how much you can get per pound. He may also think flour is hairspray and salt should only be used to sweeten cake. Let's hope, for the shops sake, that Bella goes with him. Let's hope for Alice's that he does not find the clothes section. **Emmett would be barred from everywhere! Cue 'stache and hat!**

Sing 'Barbie Girl' with costume. Protect Nessie's eyes! This could also be on Jazzman's list, which is coming soon. Imagine the Cullen boys singing it. Team Edward fans, picture Jacob. **LMAO. He would do that anyway. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Not my Jazzman!**

Become a ballerina. Do a show. Kill everyone with the disturbia of it.** Eek! Though he would make a pretty ballerina. **He would make a goldang SCARY ballerina.


	3. Reasons To Love Mj Jasper Whitlock Hale

Sixteen Reasons To Love Major Jasper Whitlock Hale **(With commentary by Rhi . . . again)**

He's sexy. **HALE YEAH!!!!!! He's like major awesomely sexy. =]**

He's tall. **Yes he is and that makes me more of a midget "-_- **Me too :-(

He's blonde. **And has amazingly awesome pretty curly hair that i want to mess up. **

He always looks like he's in pain. And he needs someone to sooth that pain… **And that person would be meeeeeeeee!**

He plays the harmonica. Okay, this actually applies to Jackson Rathbone, but think of that back pocket….. **I wanna be that harmonica, don't forget he can play the guitar. . . and sing very prettily. **

He has awesomely sexy hair. **Why, yes he has. It's amazing or as my friend Jamie puts it "Like a field of wheat". WTJFWH**

His facial expressions are exquisite. Just like a human's. **They are pretty too.**

He can make you love him. Well, he wouldn't really, but he can always turn Edward and Jacob gay…. **Who doesn't love him? Don't forget Edward and Carlisle. . . HAH! **What are you suggesting, dearest Rhi?

He can turn Edward and Jacob gay. **Again look above.**

He can annoy the Volturi AND THEY WON'T EVEN REALISE. True, he'll need to keep away from Aro at all costs, but it's worth it too see all of Chelsea's careful work unravelled. **Don't forget he can make people throw up. Hmm would this apply to vamps? I will have to find out. **The emotion being disgust? I see where you're coming from.

He's just so _loveable_. **And not just because of his power. He's funny, sweet, charming, adorable, cute, the list could go on forever. **Just like his life and his hair….

He has the best name ever apart from mine. **Yes but my name is awesome than yours cos I have a silent h like Jasper W****h****itlock hale. R****h****iannon. See? **Yeah, but….but….-racks brain- I HAVE THE SAME NAME AS FRANKIE JONAS! Is that something to shout about? Anyway, you do too pronounce the 'h' in 'Whitlock'.

He fought in the Civil War AND LIVED. I assume he was on the Southern side? **Yes he was a Confederate, and a mighty awesome sexy one at that. Well, he half-lived. Since he is like undead. **

He can fight in a human way and in a vampiric way. **Yes and he still looks good doing it ;) **I think we have established that he looks good doing ANYTHING.

He has the scars to prove it. **And they don't matter, he's still pretty sexy.**

He has amazing self control. **Well, he has more than anyone gives him credit for. I mean, he hasn't killed Bella since and it WAS Bella's fault for getting a papercut.** Rhi. You really do want to murder Alice, don't you? Can I help? ;-)


	4. Jazzman Could Do to Anyone

**Thanks to reviewers/alerters/favouriters/anyone who clicked on this story. Love y'all! Twilight isn't mine. As usual. And, by the way, I think I may have to change the rating… some stuff may get a little dodgy….if you have a mind in the gutter….**

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Sixteen Things Jazzman Could Do To Anyone If He Were Bored **(With Commentary by Mrs. Rhi Whitlock/Hale)**

Convince Carlisle his patients are Out to Get Him. Carlisle then may kill all of them and drink their blood, which would _not_ be good for his self-moral. Emotion: Paranoia. **The Carlisle will leave and pull a "Edward New Moon" with the whole stepping out into sunlight, thus creating a mass suicide all thanks to my Jazzman. "-_-**

Make Edward and Jacob think they are gay and in love. Most people would get a kick out of watching this, with the exception of Renesmee and Bella. Emotion: Love and Lust if he were feeling particularly bored and unkind. And if Emmett wanted a laugh. **That would be funny and disturbing. And a use for Lautner Bleach (Remember that, Franki?)** Yes I do. Wait. Bleach???

Make Carlisle's patients think he is a bloodsucking vampire. Then Number One would happen. Emotion: Same as no. one, dudes. **And then we have the Volturi stepping in. No more Cullens D:**

Make Alice guilty about spending so much money on clothes. Of course, Alice would see this coming, but maybe her sort-of husband would go ahead and zap her anyway. This guilt may make her give thousands of dollars to Goodwill and people who don't often get new clothes. Or, once she saw the impending emotional disaster, Alice might just go and give thousands to charity and spare herself the pain. Would that make Jazz less bored? No idea. Emotion: Guilt. **That's not too bad, Maybe she should donate lots of her clothes . . . and her credit cards. **I'll have the cards!

Embarrass Bella. There is no particular reason for this, but if she were human she would blush LOTS and if she were vampire she would think about blushing LOTS. I mean, she wouldn't think about it LOTS, but she would briefly imagine herself BLUSHING LOTS. Emotion: Embarrassment. **Now that would be fun to watch. I would be laughing, and Jasper will be a block thingy to keep my balance, that made no sense "-_- **Hell no.

Anger Esme into smashing her antique table. Again, no particular reason for this, especially as Esme will kill Jasper afterwards. Emotion: Anger. **She could craft a new one out of a rare tree only found in Borneo.**

Find a random sadistic killer like James or Hitler and make them sad about killing innocent people. James wouldn't cry, but Hitler would. Maybe it would even make him shoot himself….? Emotion: Sadness. **And guilt. Then Jasper will save the world, one evil do-er by one. Superjazzman!**

Convince Russell Brand he is really in love with the Jonas Brothers. Rhi, JoBro fans, DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!!!! If you, like me, think this is an interesting and potentially funny scenario, do tell. Thanks. Emotion: Love and… Lust? DON'T SUE ME!!!! **That's wrong on so many levels . . . **I know. Sorry.

Turn Rosalie jealous of Leah Clearwater. Leah may not be able to have children either, but at least she can get a tan. Emotion: Jealousy. **I thought Leah could have kids? Rosalie is jealous of any human (or in this case, half-human) on the planet. Simply because of them being human. 'Carlisle says: Bitch, please.' Moment much? **Read Breaking Dawn again, Rhi! Just because you hate Jacob doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention when he's conversing with voices in his head.

I don't know if hyper-activeness is an emotion, but if it is, Jazzy darling can make Nessie hyper and then she may play Guitar Hero with Emmett and pretend to be Bon Jovi. Emotion: Hyperness. **WOOOOOOOOOAH! We're half way there. WOOOOOOOAH Livin' on a prayer. . . I just had to do that. #-_-#**

Make Emmett happy. This is simply to see what will happen. If he is _really_ happy, anything could go down. For further research, visit 'Things Emmett Shouldn't Do But Would If Rosalie Let Him'. Maybe I should change it to 'Things Emmett Does While High on Laughter'…. Emotion: Extreme happiness. **I hate to think what would happen here . . . Therapy with Jazzman time? **

Turn Charlie repulsed at the sight of Seth. Seth would find this bewildering but very funny once someone tells him what's going on. Charlie, however, possibly does not know about Jasper's 'gift', and will maybe try to kill Edward. He may try because Emmett doesn't look like someone to mess with and Jazzy will send out lovey-dovey waves. Edward, of course, will not die unless someone threatens his family…or his hair. Emotion: Disgustion. Or repulsiveness. Not sure what the difference is, actually. **I'm not sure either. This would also be funny with Bella, Billy, Jake, The Milkman, Alice, Esme, Carlisle. . . the possibilities are endless.**

Briefly impersonate Jane and mess with one of the Volturi's brains. This was sort of on the list 'Sixteen Reasons to Love Major Jasper Whitlock Hale', but this time Aro could be in on it, as he may find the impersonation funny. Alec, on the other hand, may not like this. Jazz, run! Emotion: Any type of mental pain possible. **That would be funny. Marcus, i believe, needs some help. Stupid little old man emo. He has power! So why be sad? **See number 16.

Make Seth miserable over nothing. He's such a happy little punk, it'll do him good to get his paws on the ground for once. Emotion: Misery. **He can cry Jacob a river . . . **Are you suggesting something here, Mrs. Whitlock?

Turn Bella frivolous in the hope she will go out and buy something very expensive, like a castle. This will please Alice lots and is a natural reason for number five to occur – Jazz doesn't have to do anything! Emotion: Frivolously. **Scary Bella!!!!!!!!!!! Lots of strait jackets are needed.**

Travel to Volterra and make Marcus frisky. I'm sure even Alice could not fathom the results, as Marcus has been bored for well over three thousand years and probably won't have decided to become frolicsome – Jasper will have just zapped him with no warning. I think the sight of this could cheer Aro up immensely, as he is sure to feel a bit down after the whole Renesmee spectacle. Aww, come here, Aro, and give us a hug… On second thoughts, don't. **Lol, stay away from Aro, he kills family! D:** **Jasper will save me . . . right?**


	5. I Would Do if the Cullens

**Hi there...**

**Twilight isn't mine. My words are in **normal **font and Rhi's is in BOLD. That's it, really! **

**Enjoy and please review if you have anything to say/moan about/suggest!**

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Sixteen Things I would Do If The Cullen's Were In My Living Room **(With Commentary by Mrs. Rhi Whitlock/Hale)**

Drool. **Yes, and I would mosey up to Jasper with a hot glue gun. I think you can guess where it goes from here. And not like that, perv.**

Faint. **IDK if I would. I would probably go hyper and babble, like I do normally.**

Ask them not to eat me. **I wouldn't, personally I would care, because I would meet the Cullen's. And be in close proximity (To be done in a sing song)**

Scream. **I would. Nine words. "OMFJWH! It's the Cullen's!"**

Die of happiness. **I would be high off happiness. Hah, hah.**

Ask Carlisle to bite me. **I'd beg Jazzman to, bwehehe.**

Kidnap Jasper. Or whichever one you fancy. **Then tie him to a dining room chair with vampire-proof rope and hide him under my bed. (I have a loft bed, so there is enough room, I think. There's too much crap under there. I'll have to keep him away from my dog and guinea pig though. God knows what I'll do if he needed to hunt. . .) **Send him to our school.

Ask them to teach me their cool mind tricks and awesome fighting skills. **JEDI MIND TRICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NINJA SKILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy day!**

Ask Bella if she can still cook. If she says yes, ask her to cook lasagne. If she says no, ask her to cook it anyway. **Ew, lasagne. How about cake? Everyone loves cake. **Cake, cake. Chloe doesn't like cake.

Ask them to NEVER LEAVE. Except for hunting. **Yes I would beg and say they can live in my titch house. They don't need beds but my house will be overpopulated. "-_-** They'll just have to live in mine then. Rhi, my brother can bunk with you!

Ask them to refrain from eating my dog and/or younger brother. **OR GUINEA PIG!!!!!!! They can eat . . . 2 of my cousins, I won't mind. Just not James, the sadistic vampire cousin. (Yes, I have a cousin called James, true story. I call him jampot.)**

Tell Edward to get out of my head sharpish or I'll think of Bella's thoughts and emotions when he left her/she kissed Jacob. **Think of 'Emmett and Rosalie time' –shudders-**

Ask Renesmee if she likes being called Nessie. **Ask her if she's mates with the **_**real **_**Nessie.**

Ask her to show me some cool stuff with that mind thingy. **What cool stuff? OOOOOH! JAZZMAN!!!! **What? I meant ask Nessie to show me something with that hand thingy, nothing to do with the tall blonde who looks like a brooding movie star.

Ask if I can keep their jackets "Or it'll be like you're just a myth." **Jazzman's pants? NO joke! Jazzman top too. Hehehe. :) :D **Do you mean pants the English way or the American way? If it's the former, RHI YOU'RE A PERV.

Ask if they can teach me to hunt. **Is this you being vampire? Hmm, Ninja awesome jedi mind power hunting. I would like to learn that.** Yes, it is me being a vampire. A story inspired by that will probably be up by 2010. Actually, no it won't.


	6. The Cullen's Would Do to Mike

**Hi guys...**

**I loved hearing all your comments and thank you very much, Mizz-Emz, we are comedy geniuses indeed...Or so we like to think...**

**Also, please send in any suggestions, they are always welcome!**

**Twilight is so mine. And I am so a vamp. And I am so married to Jasper. Yeah, whatever, dream on girl... *Bursts into sobs and goes into deep depression***

**Anyway, enjoy and please review!**

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Sixteen Things the Cullen's Would Do To Mike Newton, Directly or Indirectly, If They Got Close Enough (**With commentary by Rhi)**

Kill him. **Amen to that sistah. Can I go medieval on him with a mace, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Or Axe Wielding Maniac on him??? **Nooo! Jack the Ripper, Sweeny Todd! Satanist!

Dye his hair blue/green/pink/orange/purple/red/black/ginger (yes there's a difference between orange and ginger!)/grey/beige/neon hi-lights/cream/yellow. Insert random colour of your choice here. **Rainbow. The colour Rainbow I think. UNICORN!!!!!!!! The pierce one of his ears and put a pot of gold earring in. Lol. **Dude, that's camp. Wait…

Jasper can turn a nice little emotion like lust on him just as he is walking past…Mr Varner? Carlisle? Edward? Jacob? Charlie? The Queen of England, Barack Obama, a dentist, a librarian, a grave, the Jonas Brothers, some toothpaste, a table, some bricks, Jessica's Tampax…. **His toe. . . his mommy AND daddy hahaha. ARO!!!!!! I think Aro has a thing for Carlizzle ;) **Aro defiantly has a think for Carlisle. Is that why he killed whatsizname's wife? Or am I thinking of some soap opera?

Burn his underwear draw while he's in the in the shower. Get someone to video him realising it's all gone then post it on the Twilight Lexicon. **Burn his complete wardrobe and only leave a pair of Jessica's thongs for him to wear.**

Paint his car pink or write something nice and offensive like 'The Cullen's R Vamps' or Quileute's Go Woof' on the side. **'Hey big boy, honk if you wanna got some.' hahahaha**

Replace his boxers with thongs. **I think he has them anyway. . . Michaela much. **He bought 'em off Jess when his wardrobe got burned.

Prank call him. "Hi, it's Cindey… We spoke on the phone last week, what time do you want me to come over? And what exactly do you want me to bring? Remember we have all night…" **Then send Emmett over, Emmett dressed as a girl. . . called Cindey. **Yeah, and pay Emmett a hell of a lot to stay there until Mike dies or calls the social.

Plant speed in his sock drawer and give Charlie an anonymous tip off. **Hahah, and give him shoes outta hemp.**

Ask him why he styles his hair just like Edward's and when he says he doesn't know what they're talking about, say they know his ploy, and they won't tell Edward that he's planning plastic surgery to turn his eyes gold and his skin starky white. Don't forget the bronze hair, the extra height and the sex change. It's all safe with the Cullens… **And Carlisle will perform the surgery!!!!!!! **Rhi, I meant… Oh! I get it! But there _is _only one Bella…And Rosalie…And Alice…And - OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T TELL ME HE'S AFTER ESME.

Tell Jessica he's actually a girl, didn't she notice? Jeez, how drunk _was_ she? **Very.**

Replace all songs on his iPod with 'If You Were Gay', 'One of the Boys', 'Barbie Girl', 'YMCA', 'Which Backstreet Boy is Gay', 'Piece of Me', 'Womanizer', 'Hit Me Baby One More Time', 'Oops I Did It Again', 'I Must Be Emo', 'Eyelash Curlers and Butcher's Knives', 'Man! I Feel Like a Woman', 'Jonas Brothers Addict Anthem'. The list can go on… **I Kissed A Girl, I Kissed A Boy, Anything Kylie Minogue. GEORGE MICHAEL! BOY GEORGE! '**Man! I Feel Like a Women', Hannah Montana, High School Musical…

Put a sign up on one of the front windows of his house saying 'Manicures, Waxing, Massages, Spa and Beauty Treatments Here – For a Man, By a Man'. **Then send Emmett along. Then the fun will begin ;) **Why pick on poor Emmett? Send Japser, he's so emo-d out most of the time, he could do with a good massage... On second thoughts, send Emmett!

Spam his email with adverts for French cheese and fish. **Or other stuff. . . MWAHAHAHA!**

For his birthday, give him Victoria's Secret vouchers. **And make him wear whatever he buys. . . to school. **And work.

Scratch a hippie peace and love symbol on his locker and fill it with pauperise, cotton wool, weed and ribbons. **Incense!!! Tie-dye all his books. **Then put long flowing extensions into his already rainbow hair.

And here's the old favourite: Draw a moustache, eyeliner, glasses, beard, rouge and really whatever you fancy on his face while he's asleep. **Write derogatory terms on his forehead, hehe. **Write 'I'm sorry I'm so out, but dude, she was tiring.'

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**Crappy A/N:**

**November 2009**

**Hey whoever's reading this…**

**I owe everyone an apology- I quit writing this back in February because I had crazy stuff going on and I also came to realise that _Twilight _wasn't as great as I originally thought it was. I put this on 'complete' and shoved it to the back of my mind. I am very sorry - I got some hilarious and excellent reviews that kept me writing. Thank you.**

**Now I've sorted my head out I'm going back over all my stories, making sure they're all grammar-checked and readable, and I know dropping off the radar – although probably no one cares – was a stupid and rude thing to do.**

** I put out an A/N chapter with this in it in September and now I'm going to delete it (it took me long enough, right?).**

**So yeah, thanks for all your reviews, favourites, alerts and ideas. Love ya! Just don't bother checking back. :-)**


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